whoops! i did it again… (what? this is the third time??)
23 Nov 2010 1 Comment
November 17, 2010, A day after Bemjo’s birthday
Ten minutes after the rain poured, I felt my phone vibrate. I saw Jeni’s, Stevenson’s and my sister’s messages. I opened Jeni’s message and absent-mindedly scrolled down. It was then that I saw Bemjo’s name on it. I gave it to Bemjo but she gave the phone back to me.
Bemjo: “Im not supposed to read this.”
Wila: (I was trying to process what she just told me)
LOADING… LOADING… LOADING..
And it was then that I realized that Jeni’s message was actually for Jimma and I to double time for Bemjo’s surprise. BUMMER!!
And what’s worse is that- this happened, TOO, last June and July… the last two birthdays.
When you know that something is coming up and it is a surprise, most probably, it is a joy to pretend. But it isnt a joy anymore if you have to pretend twice at the same time. I told myself that blowing up someone’s surprise isn’t actually that funny- especially that it happened three times in a row.
I hope I won’t screw up next time. The next is Jen’s birthday on February. I’ll be a total mess if I do. Or I can just disappear right there and then.
It isn’t okay, even if they say it is. This time, it is inner forgiveness.
Omens and Foreshadowing: A Tribute to (you’ll know so read on)
21 Nov 2010 1 Comment
I really like foreshadowing. Since I am into film productions, I have always liked the things that give me ideas about what’s going to happen next. Since real life isn’t something you can conceptualize, plan or edit, we DON’T really know the future. But that DOESN’T mean we CAN’T know.
I believe in omens. They are the real life counterpart of foreshadows. Aside from giving us hints of what is yet to happen, they somehow give the soundest reasons why things they do. Just like what happened to me a couple of hours ago.
SETTING: A few minutes before 1 pm, in front of Iloilo Grand Hotel
Bemjo, Stephanie, Jennie and I just got out of the Lapaz jeepney for our photo journalism assignment. We were tasked to get pictures that tell a story in the Central Market. Right after getting out, Jen and Bemjo told me to check my bag because the guy who sat beside me was doing something literally under a cover (he was using his folder to do business with my bag). I realized my phone’s missing. Luckily, he was not able to get Margarito (the name I gave my camera) cause my mom’s going to skin me alive if it was stolen and my pocket money (since I don’t keep a wallet) was not taken.
REWIND TO A FEW MINUTES BEFORE MY FRIENDS AND I WENT TO THE CITY
I was cleaning my bag with the trash I put in everytime I don’t see a garbage can. You see, I don’t just throw things anywhere. But some weird whatever came upon me and I cleaned my bag.
My cleaning my bag is actually an omen. The phone isn’t that grand actually. It doesn’t have a camera or a music player, worse—IT ISN’T COLORED! Stuff like that nowadays are just the freebies you get when you buy digital cameras, TV, laptops- the more expensive stuff. With the proliferation of touch screen phones and QWERTY keypads, who would want those types of phones anyway? (But I must say, I REALLY LIKED that phone T-T) But what devastated my a lot was the loss of my seven-year SIM card.
The SIM card has been with me since I got my first phone when I was in first year high school. It had cried virtual tears with me, kept all my and other people’s secrets, kept the most memorable contacts and messages from the people I love – it is the summary of my life for the past seven years. As much I want to keep it because it is specially attached to me, there were also events that happened that I decided to almost threw it away.
There was something nasty that happened last semester that I was advised to get rid of my SIM card. Since it stopped already and I have decided to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I kept the SIM.
Me cleaning my bag of all the dirt is my omen, my foreshadow. It has connoted that I have to move on with my life- with the dirt that had accumulated from the past. I have to admit, I have been stuck with the drama of the past and the SIM card somehow reminds me of that. It has connoted that, even though things are specially attached to you, they go- some of them let go by themselves, some you let go, some are taken away. In time, they will come back in better, newer forms. A new SIM and phone, a new perspective. New contacts, new friends, basically a new life.
And maybe their vamped comebacks will be foreshadowed too. ^_^
Of falling stars and wishes
18 Nov 2010 2 Comments
If you see a falling star, what would you most likely do?
When we were still young, maybe up to now, we believe in the thought that falling stars can grant us wishes. But have we thought about the probability of the appearance of it? I mean, how many times do we see them in a week? Are we wishing the right things on them if ever they were true?
I keep a falling star bank. It might be silly but everytime I see a falling star, I don’t immediately wish on it. I bank it instead so in the time of great need, I could use it or give to someone who might also be in need.
Aside from the fact that I am reserving the stellar spoils for the time when I have to rely on miracles for things to happen, I also consider what I wish for. (Might come in handy for my undergraduate thesis) Before, I get impulsive that I wish for a thing and later realize I don’t really have to “wish for it” for reasons like it is REALLY doable or its just a whim. If falling stars are to grant wishes, then it had failed its purpose because it was wasted.
I don’t know. The falling star bank might itself be a whim but who knows, those streaks of light made by flying dirty snowballs might be more just a pretty sight. Might is good.
A lot better if dead
12 Nov 2010 4 Comments
I stumbled upon my sister’s Botany book when I was trying to find something scientific to read. While skimming through the foreign things and the things that have been mold-infested on the back mind, I found a very memorable word, apoptosis. (Sure reminded me of my first conversation with one of my crushes. ^_^)
Apoptosis, as I have remembered, is programmed cell death. This happens to things like cork which could function better if they are dead. In other words, they have to die first to become more useful.
That lit the imaginary lightbulb on my head. I think I would be cool if this were to happen to the person I hate the most, because practically, the person has not been of use since the person was born. If the person’s purpose is to hurt and mess up other people’s lives, then it is not a purpose at all.
Why? Because people can practically hurt themselves, they can trip themselves intentionally and mess up their lives, you don’t have to get a person to that because YOU are CAPABLE of doing that yourself!
Moving on, the person definitely has to undergo total apoptosis. I will give you reasons.
1. The funeral parlors will be very happy because they will be in the business again. The mortician will get his family moving and as well as the driver and the painters of his coffin will also have income.
2. The guys who dig the graves and those who the pull the grass, etc. will also be able to feed their families. At least for a day.
NOW YOU CAN SEE HOW NOBLE THE EFFECTS OF THE PERSON’S DEATH WOULD BE..
3. For the larger picture, the members of the food chain (and the food web, ultimately) will be more than happy to break down the complicated compositions of the person’s twisted biodegradable form. The earthworms and other detritus feeders will be more than glad to wiggle through that pile of dirt. Now that’s a big one! ^_^ When the person’s body is simple enough to be part of the ecosystem, it will serve as food for both plants and animals. Watch out for your next salad.. Kidding.. ^_^
4. And the world will be one less psychopath. Thus a step completed to a happier world. ^_^
Author’s Notes: The thoughts above were products of a weird outlook on things. This is not meant to cause violence against other people rather than fun (I guess) in reading. Those who inflicted bad things to others after reading this, is well, responsible of their actions.., ^_^
The Equivalent Trade Without the Transmutation Circle
12 Nov 2010 4 Comments
… is very rare.
Well, as you can see, only Edward Elric is the gifted enough to do it with multiple transmutation circles, how else could it be possible without one?
transmutation circle
If you have watched or read Fullmetal Alchemist, then you already have an idea but for those who are not anime fans it is basically the exchange of two things which are of equal value. This law is the foundation of alchemy. The exchange also requires transmutation circles.
After attending my first sessions with my subjects this semester, I have realized that this is the sem I have always wanted. Dynamic, full of excitement, great teachers and above all, its everything I want to do!
1. Copywriting, photography and layouting in CMS 134
2. Photography and travelling in CMS 137
3. Mythology in Literature 2
4. Things I might want to add after really doing the work.
The previous semester, on the other hand, was the semester I wish I never had. The school stuff was not that good so there was nothing in them that really kept me occupied and excited. I did not get my last Physics and Chemistry class or the Algebra and Trigonometry that I miss so much. I had to pay an extra 1200 for the processing. I got bored. That was probably why I chanelled my interest to read other people’s status and react on them every day (in the hope of figuring out the culprit who sent me electronic dirt). One of them was really disturbing I sort of messed up some things.
This is where the equivalent trade comes in. Maybe the misfortunes of the last semester were enough to buy an exciting one. And maybe I was just as lucky as Edward Elric not to need an transmutation circle nor to learn Alchemy to get it.
I find this a great gift. I mean, how many people get the last hurrah effortlessly? Not THAT effortless but now that the bad things had past, good things come in very fluid. This must have costed very high. I think, only a few people are as blessed as me so I will make the most of it. Sagadin na ‘yong pwedeng masagad, last na ‘to eh!
This chance…
(the picture above was from taken from www.flickr.com/photos/aghazzee/4473696034/)
Change of charge, change of heart: The First Law of Thermodynamics
10 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
Thermodynamics is the branch of physics that deals with the conversion of energy from one form to another. Well, that is basically what I know about it.
The first law of Thermodynamics (although they have this thing called the Zeroth Law of Thermodynamics) is the law of conservation of energy which is about it not being created nor lost rather transformed to another form.
The Law of Conservation of Energy is (and this entry) my longer way of saying “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”
The previous semester was a tough one for me. Academically, it ended nicely (really really ^_^) but there are areas in my life that did not turn out well. They were not even given formal closures and what’s left of them are rapidly growing question marks. For the record, I don’t blame Academics for it because I know how to manage things. Those happenings and their effects left me with a heavy burden of hate, which eventually became my scheming mind’s steady healthy diet. I wrote a lot of really dark poems and my thoughts, both on paper and not, are cathartic, bloody and evil. My friends are really worried because they say that vengeance won’t do anything good to me. Its like Tina Lombardi of A Very Long Engagement and Enishi of Ruruoni Kenshin. Its also like carrying a rainy cloud above your head everywhere. And the rain from it would wash away the positivity in you, leaving you figuratively cold.
Positive and negative are charges. And they are also ways to describe energy, not scientifically though. Now let us go back to the first law of thermodynamics; that energy isn’t lost rather transformed to another form.
And my body is making use of the negative energy really effectively:
1. I think a lot and the I write a lot. (The main reason why I revived this blog.) Suddenly, I heard my thoughts saying that they are worth writing and publishing. Who knows really dark thoughts are fun to write? Some people might read them and maybe relate to them. They may somehow make someone feel accompanied even at least in writing. And it really pays to write— just think about its countless benefits. ^_^
(negative transformed to positive)
2. The negative energy and the thing it emanates from make me feel alive. They make me feel human- that I can get hurt and cry the normal way. In this I mean the universal cause of sadness and tears- abstract and non-abstract pain. I cry over Power Puff Girls and I don’t think its normal. C’mon! Who cries over Mojo Jojo or the girls maybe—unless it’s a really good and expensive merchandise. That would be something to cry about. And crying is a very good heart exercise.
(negative transformed to positive)
3. The most positive of them all is that I was able to realize that I am mature and brave, learned to know what I am capable of doing, and more importantly what I will be someday. I now know where my life will go to- guess I have gotten out of my Gundam suit. ^-^ Shit happens and if they did not happen, the realization will never exist and I will probably be stuck in the thought that I am childish.
I guess the application of the first law is just the alternation of the positive and negative charges, Science aside. Some people would even call it coping or rationalization but they are the key things that keep the conversion going, that there is a variation of feelings, that you don’t get stuck on being happy or sad. It is a manifestation that we react to a certain stimulus and life is dynamic- which itself is positive.
I guess I just have to drink more Coke. ^_^
Goodbye Bitterness: A Rationalization to my Lost Files
25 Nov 2009 3 Comments
Running out of memory in the middle of an editing exercise, I accidentally erased a collection of random stuff I’ve been writing since I got my laptop. Of course it was painful. Imagine loosing over 2GB of random poems, letters for nobody, quick side notes of what I have done for a day and many other things I took time editing hoping they will be accepted in some publication. Well, I forgot about passing them.
And I started to search my hollow skull and recalled a Psychology 10 lesson which is, in a way, related to the Dissonance thing we discussed in one of our CMS classes- that is making up a very sound reason to justify things.
They say that keeping grudges is bad, morally. And to sum up what theme of my files are my daily trash and the G word. (except the songs I have composed for my friends and for someone very dear to me) Preserving such means closing your world to forgiveness and it has the so-called horn effect- it happens when you try to find bad things to maintain your anger to a person.
I bought the idea of rationalization.
So I thought..,
I have to let go of my stupidities. I considered such accident as an omen, a sign of the freedom I deprived (so to say) myself for the past years.
My friends always tell me I have to set myself free from all the residues of my past. Since the letters and all reminded me of my past, they have to be thrown away. Of course, keeping grudges is not very healthy. Aside from that, their presence gives me the urge to continue writing about the bad taste.
wilamonster
